her pov
Sunday, March 30, 2008 ♥
It was a surge of distress
"I feel like I was a slut, some bitch, when you said that"
"Well maybe my words were a little too harsh,
but that was exactly how I felt at the point of time"
I tend to
neglect
don't I?
Always
too busy.
Busy
With?
Sometimes,
It's just
more
of, maybe
fear and
self-
isolation.
For the
first
time, I
approached
when I
needed
someone.
It's a
whirlwind
of relief
from
reliance
on you.
Labels: friends
3am
Saturday, March 29, 2008 ♥
3am.
I was anticipating an awkward meeting,
i had the guts to message you, didn't I?
A light Blueberry scent diffuses into thin air
The air was cold and Mcs was the only place that's lit.
You mumbled a soft "I'll go get a drink" when I arrived.
There a surge of sadness that came at that moment.
It's a little different this time.
I sorry I made you wait 5 hours.
I swear it wasn't intentional.
I.. fell asleep. >.< (as usual)
The phone's ringing volume was on the loudest.
Somehow I just couldn't hear.
But it wasn't a good excuse.
The presents were filled with blueberries.
one of my favorite fruits.
The card was embellished with paper cuttings
The story broken into chapters came in little reminders of sweetness.
You mumbled if I want to be home.
I nodded.
I can't really ask for more.
I find myself becoming this person I used to hate.
p.s. OIE. bomb went back to 2 layers.
you liar. LOLS.
much loved
Thursday, March 27, 2008 ♥
On my birthday,
I was the happiest girl on the earth.
8:30
Yet I'm working despite it was my birthday.
Jon came 5 minutes before I was about to leave and gave me a jar of hello pandas
(He remembers (: )
and...
OMG this huge half-a metre elmo with cheesy smile and oversized pants.
It was so cute I couldn't resist.
I've stopped being fond of soft toys
but that red fuzzy thing made me smile from inside
and I genuinely forget everything else at that point of time.
12:30
Met Jerms for lunch cause he volunteered to make lunch for me
He's such a good cook
and OMG he's so good at acting!
(tbc later in the later part of the entry)
4:00pm
Met Hessie for Dinner Dinner.
She wanted to go JP for lunch cause school's food's kinda boring.
So we went bentobox for dinner
and as drama queen as ever,
she wanted to get movie tickets and dinner when she only has 6SGD in her wallet
-______-'''
bwahahahaa.
Jan popped out from nowhere later with a little cake (and no lighter)
So i kinda 'pretended' this actually is light
when i pose to 'blow' the flame.
6:30pm
was rebellious
I, urms, skipped french.
And apparently I think I'm not allowed to retake the quiz now.
8pm.
I was supposed to meet karelin for dinner in school.
I mean, it's late ya lor..
so I was quite surprise when she looked for me with xm, ridz, ruyi, hafi and jeannie.
And we're going out for dinner instead! xm's driving.
I went to the locker and happen to meet jerms there.
he was looking for his camera, after which,
they led me to the lift to the basement
to the door....
oh wait.... this way is not the way to the carpark!
then...
i realised...
outside the glass doors,
beside the fountains...
there's few people frantically preparing so stuff which looks like food. (it's dark it's dark)
then i realise..
oh wait....
I know these people.
Yingherng, ken, qing, lixian, yifang, kimsiang
I naturally exclaimed
"heys! what are you guys doing here?"
.
.
.
.
..
...
Yes, apparently.
Yes, there's a party.
BBQ, loads of people I love
The animation people I love so much
Yes, and yes,
apparently it's my surprise birthday party.
like.. OH MY GAWD.
;DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
omg omg.
----
You know, i planned out my 21st, to be this boring and plain day.
And this this this..
I've never never thought of.
More people came..
Bernard, yizhi, peiling, hanzhi...
And thankyous thankyous thankyous
I couldn't be more grateful
I'm so loved I'm so loved.
I'm floatinggggggggggggg
Gosh I really miss animation.
I miss overnights in school
I miss you guys.
Thankyou Thankyou
Thankyou seems to be much lesser than than I want to express.
LOL. and yes i regret I did not stay till the curry is done
some issues with my sister and i have to go
She's a disgusting piece of shit.
LOL. You're the best le laaa~
*More Hugs*
yay ADM FOC group 8!
yay 2D animation Davide's class!
yay FDN Group 5!
Photos HERE
Credits to jerms
----
it feels almost like a dream i once have
I creep towards the dark room lit with dim red lights,
pushing open the door with one hand
while desperately rubbing blood off another.
I saw you lying there, motionless,
covered in a pool of blood.
It just me
Not being able to handle
I tried to expunge the memory off my mind
But I'm grasping on to guilt as tightly as I can.
Unable to eradicate these feelings.
Honestly, rather, it's not wanting to.
I might become, less humane.
Importance,
still as important.
A little distance but still as important.
I've been alone
Just me and myself.
Sometimes I feel lonely
But ironically, I'm used to this personal space.
I'm being selfish you'd say.
And I'll admit I am.
Don't you agree that close proximity
always bring about repelling forces?
I'm lifted, by many other hands
with much love and tender care.
So much so that
it's easy enough to remain selfish and forget
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't say anything more.
Anything more only makes me look more superficial.
birthday
Wednesday, March 26, 2008 ♥
Birthday Celebration Schedule
23mar\sun\Dinner\Hes, Bel, ww, Mindy, Jan & Manda
26mar\wed\Lunch\Jerome
26mar\wed\Dinner\Hester
26mar\wed\Supper\Amination peeps
28mar\fri\Dinner\Alan, Sam & Kh
29mar\sat\Dinner\Sh, Wen, Silly, Yiru & Vids
30mar\sun\Dinner\Yang & Jee
broke
Tuesday, March 25, 2008 ♥
my big big birthday present is here.
----
him: Hi, I have sent e car for repair. e boot came out n clips need replacement. e bill works out to 300 and my sis wants 60 for loss of use. She wanted more but ive checked e insurance rate. So i guess its e best help i can offer. Do you prefer to wire in the money? I will email you the receipt.
me: yes please email to......
him: Yup will send you by tonight. I tried my best to ask around for the lowest price alr.
me: lol thanks. gosh. my biggest birthday present.
him: Is that your car? its so minor. i once crashed a big time e car needs to be scraped. that's why i underestand. u are lucky. cheer up, i helped u save a little. My sis is quite a riper. Could you wire in the money by 5 today? Don't worry, i'm sure u will have a bigger bday surprise coming. Be positive...
me: o.o okok 5pm
him: Hi we are dead. e car needs to be put here for another day. Will try to cover the extra loss of use for u i guess. Sorry to bug u
me: I don't understand. So needs more money? Ahhhh i really don't have money le la
him: Nah, i will talk to my sis if she doesnt agree, i will top for u. Dont worry about it.
---- Happy birthdays >.> He's actually quite nice.
linkages
Monday, March 24, 2008 ♥
i like the everything around me to be organized.
Each has their own place and I like them to remain in their place.
I don't like them interacting with one another,
engaging in some sort of relationship
or building linkages without myself being aware.
I just don't really like it.
a friend
Saturday, March 22, 2008 ♥
She thinks it is wrong.
And I used to think it is wrong too.
Ethically wrong
Morally wrong.
Wrong, in general. Everything.
Even though there's nothing.
But the fact that we're allowing this nothingness to happen,
is wrong.
----
I'm sorry Joey.
You just came at the wrong time.
The time when I'm unwilling to give in
but doesn't wish someone to tell me it's "never mind"
But you did anyway.
Cause you're nice, too nice.
And I do treasure this and you.
You just came at the wrong time.
----
"If others know, how will they look at you"
Sometimes. I don't know.
It's kinda hurtful, her words.
Perhaps this is exactly why
why we don't breathe a word to anyone else.
I've always been crying alone.
And perhaps I should be.
"I'm ok I'm ok"
It's all I can say
car accident
Thursday, March 20, 2008 ♥
car accident.
car,
knocked into car.
fell asleepa at the junction again.
He's car was dented.
Happy birthday.
First present to myself
a big hole in the pocket.
I think I shall stop driving
till the day I get enough sleep.
mess
Tuesday, March 18, 2008 ♥
06thirtyam
I spent 10 hours overnight in the darkroom to finish 9 prints
I realise most prints turned yellow due to exhausted fixer
I drove home so sister could use the car
I almost knock into a bus
I fell asleep at the traffic junction
11thirtyam
I forgot to charge hp before leaving the house
I forgot to bring ezlink
I forgot to bring to-buy list
I boarded the wrong bus
I forgot to bring house keys
----
Happy birthday Daddy
hugII
Sunday, March 16, 2008 ♥
The hug was, comforting
And it was a hug that came when i needed it.
but i can only feel your bones leh
eat more lehs.
I've been crazy(wacky).
And you're probably one of the few who have seen this side of me.
But that's because it's been comfortable with you around,
that I need not care about anything and everything
and just be me.
And I know no matter what,
you'll be there to pat me on the head (like a dog)
Thank yous thank yous. lol
----
i seriously seriously dun feel like going school.
----
"thanks jia qi
it's just nice to hang the night out with someone like you
haha
knowing you're like less than 15 mins of slow walking
and 5 mins of running
away
good night
(:"
I didn't realise that I too have someone 5 minutes away from me now.
;D
new soul
Saturday, March 15, 2008 ♥
supermarket
Friday, March 14, 2008 ♥
i have a new favourite supermarket
fairprice finest.
Bukit Timah Plaza.
It's spacious, white, bright, clean and organised.
Items are neatly shelved.
Shelves are up to eye-level.
It's got blueberries and all kinds of berries.
It's got cream and huge selection of cereals.
I still like King Albert Park's coldstorage though.
It's a different kind of like.
----
I just realised something,
David is lactose-intolerant,
Jonathan is lactose-intolerant,
so is Evan
angel
Thursday, March 13, 2008 ♥
----jon
you? angel?
pui pui pui pui pui. lols
I shoved you aside but you didn't leave
and came back embracing me beneath your wings.
Thank you angel.
----vids
URGENT
hugs and kisses required.
lols. i want that tagg. >..<
----ter
cheer up girl (:
I'm not too sure if i can do anything
but i've got plenty of big hugs i can give you.
caught
Wednesday, March 12, 2008 ♥
The corner of her lips twitched
bringing them to a frown.
"yes?" she snapped
Everyone in the room is looking at me now.
I couldn't breathe a word
"You know you don't have much time left. Critique's next week and you're the first in the list.
You have nothing decent to show."
All I could do was stare at her blanking.
Giving a nod or two now and then.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
Jon messaged me.
(You know, I am more assured now that you have some magical powers)
He told me that he hope everything is going the right way for me.
It's not, Jon, it's totally not going the right way.
Every thing is falling apart.
Jon I need you,
and I really do wish you're here with me.
You volunteered to clear my workload for me.
You volunteered to accompany and talk to me.
You even repeated the question thrice.
And reassured me twice that you're going to stay late in school and
I can look for you any time.
but as always I replied "I'm going to be fine"
I am such an idiot right?
----
This week
13.03 Asian Art History Presentation
14.03 Graphic Tradition Part II concepts presentation
Next week
17.03 HW111 presentation
19.03 French oral test
19.03 Graphic Design II Individual critique
19.03 Photography critique
(:
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 ♥
I couldn't be more protected and blessed.
David, Jerome, Evan, Wenwen, Shirhee, Yiru, Silly.
je vous remercie infiniment.
Labels: friends
rooted.
Monday, March 10, 2008 ♥
If you love me,
do not question me what happened.
But tell me how blue the sky is today
Tell me how pretty the flowers are today.
do not ask me if I'm ok.
cause I won't tell you I'm not .
And I don't want to.
But tell me how happy and blessed you are today.
Tell me how someone made you smile today.
do not give me that worried smile.
please pretend nothing has ever happened.
----
Loves and dears,
thanks for the messages and calls.
I'm being selfish.
But please let me be,
for a moment at least.
The virtual world haunts me sometimes,
like now.
Labels: let go
The pink aura is a mockery.
Laughing at me from afar.
The necklace broke.
I tried to salvage it by grabbing on tightly to the last few beads.
But when I open my hands to look at the beads,
they became fresh blood that stains the skin.
Fresh red blood that I couldn't hold.
Not anymore.
I dropped the remaining beads frantically
allowing the black crystals to scatter the dirty floor.
It wasn't a misfortune.
I had an answer, finally.
And I had a reason, to move on,
An excuse, to let go,
finally.
When I was home,
I packed everything related to you in a box.
Including your childish smiles.
Including the love I had
And shelved the box away in a corner.
9th march 2008.
Happy Birthday Silly, happy birthday Marcus,
Happy birthday,
shelved love.
----
hellos.
I'm sorry I lied.
I'm sorry I gave another excuse.
I'm sorry I tried to fool you.
I needn't need to I know, but I guess I'm just so used to it.
Lying.
Selective disclosure.
I'm sorry if I made you worry.
I 'm sorry I didn't pick up your call.
It's just that I've reached a point where tears could no longer take the pain away.
I cried. But the pain is still as haunting.
Then it's just fatigue. Useless fatigue.
And to a point where no, it's no longer healthy at all.
----
p.s. 10th march onwards,
I will be very busy with school work
I want to be very busy with school work.
again
Thursday, March 06, 2008 ♥
Again.
My mind has taken over the body
Reaches for the soul, but to no avail.
It is tired. I am tired.
I am rushing against time.
Making use of what I have
Living my life.
I am trying my best.
But you.
I am utterly disappointed.
Yet again, and again.
You'll never change, will you?
Chopping off fingers. Divorce. Long-distance calls.
Another episode of Family Drama.
A comedy if you ask me.
Age has taken over your mind
and your actions were no longer under control.
You throw your temper like a little kid.
Spoilt kid.
We work like detectives.
Questioning anyone involved.
Uncovering any possible documents you try to hide.
Digging any possible information available.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't do anything anymore.
Your empty promises
left me drenched in cold rain.
And lost the respect I once have in you.
Labels: family
hugs
Monday, March 03, 2008 ♥
For some reason,
I could picture hugging him from the back
but I can't really picture hugging him in the front.
Perhaps it's because I've seen another girl doing it
and he just stood there motionlessly, not hugging back.
I'm just scared that it'll happen to me.
Or rather, I'm quite confident that it'll happen.
Not putting him in that situation is the best, isn't it?
but I can't really picture hugging him in the front.
Perhaps it's because I've seen another girl doing it
and he just stood there motionlessly, not hugging back.
I'm just scared that it'll happen to me.
Or rather, I'm quite confident that it'll happen.
Not putting him in that situation is the best, isn't it?
I've always liked the idea of hugs from behind.
Perhaps you're right, it is a hug to protect.
but the truth is the desire to protect him is
much stronger than the need to be loved.
I'm standing at the edge of the abyss.
Not wanting to jump in and not wanting to back off.
I want to stand still, forever at the edge.
I'm scared. Hmmm but it is not possible
and something has to be done,
rights?
-----
It's exceptionally cold this moning.
And I've experienced the same kind of mornings
and usually I'll just shiver in pain.
Sometimes I'll tear a little when I sat at the edge of the bed.
Today was a little different.
Really lahhh, okay? ;D
blue
Saturday, March 01, 2008 ♥
imgaes via here
The sky is clear.
but I'm lack of sleep.
It was a chilly morning and i stared at my
long to-do list before school starts.
Term breaks are never meant to be breaks
but a week to complete the uncompleted.