t-rex
Thursday, January 31, 2008 ♥
i have 8 eyes
i have 9 hands
10 legs and 20 heads
i have no mouth
i have no ears
and i stumble around
unconsciously.
Different but all in all still the same
An annoying little terror.
missing-in-action
Wednesday, January 30, 2008 ♥
I'm needing more emotional support these days.
From whom? I don't really know.
It's been a perfect example of being lonely around people.
Like there's a lot of people around, but it's still empty there.
It's my own problem I guess.
Start missing some people whom I used to go to when I needed someone.
Start missing people who listens to me crying over the phone.
Start missing people who have seen the worst days I've been through.
Start missing people who I don't really talk to that much these days.
Start missing people who allows me to keep dreaming without reminding me of the reality.
Start missing people who would tell me I'm the best and I can do anything.
Start missing people who don't exist at all.
I'm a little scared of life these days
No I'm not depressed.
No worries people, I'm fine.
Just a little disappointed with myself and life thus far
Not really.
Actually I'm a little confused.
I think I need another session of breaking down and crying all night.
maybe with a company this time round?
But people who offered the help are always the wrong people.
Not wrong as in I don't need them but just morally wrong.
And I have no someone whom I can always go to, no matter what.
And people always ask what's wrong what's wrong.
but the fact is I don't have the answer too.
Perhaps it's the side effects of falling from the high end.
Perhaps it's just expectations not met.
Perhaps it's just the nightmares I have at night and no one but 4 walls that enclose me.
And I'm actually jealous of yl who could actually throw everything aside and give herself a little break to pamper herself.
yes i refer to it as pamper.
Some times some things, only the person could help himself.
I'm sure she'll walk out from it soon,
she just needs some time,
I hope she won't take long.
It takes some courage to neglect everything.
And I worry about attendance in school when i am tempted to go MIA.
What a loser. Rj says I'm different cause at least I don't go MIA.
Now it sounds like a joke doesn't it?
New Job
Sunday, January 27, 2008 ♥
People, I've got myself another job.
Yes, I have another job
I'm looking for trouble.
HAHAHA
Anyways, this is the place.
PRIVE.
I cannot say I'm exactly looking forward to the new experience
Especially with working partners I see there.
Somewhere near the harbourfront.
But I'm gonna work with Johnson and Bee!
So YAY.
Gotta thank js for landing me the job.
(: I hear the sound of more money.
*ka-ching ka-ching*
Starting work next friday.
Not working on the coming weekend cause I'm helping out with surf and sweat.
heh. Anyways, went for dryrun yesterday.
next week's gonna be packed!
I love packed weekends (:
swimmer
Friday, January 25, 2008 ♥
historynotes
Thursday, January 24, 2008 ♥
曾经很爱很爱你
再见面时，
心还是会小路乱撞。
可是是错的
一切根本不应该发生。
要离我远一点，
知道吗？
you don't know how bad it has been.
Labels: relationship
adrenaline rush
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 ♥
It was a pleasant surprise.
I could hardly remember your looks but you recognized me amist the crowd.
It was at least half a year since the last (and also the first) time we met.
And your messages were ever business-like.
And I replied with standard English too,
until you broke the rules with your "bo-sim"
But still. Replying in decent businessy language.
I'm meeting you some time next week for dinner.
Honestly, I'm quite nervous about it
There's countless doubts and fears.
(yes even though it's a week away)
Partly because you seemed really high on top
Like ---------------------------------------- there.
The whole conversation was slow and steady.
Far too formal and far too distant.
But there's this another side of my heart
drenched with adrenaline,
beneath velvet skin,
pumping with every hope that it's gonna be perfect.
Labels: unexplainable
next.
Sunday, January 20, 2008 ♥
There's a sense of guilt lurking.
The whole situation's morphed now, now it's all clear, it's my bad.
That's it. I'm gonna step away from this, for true enough, I'm no where near being someone who is in position to speak. Neither am I fit to be giving fair judgements to you, especially after the first few meetings. This is clearly not the 'me' I know of. I'm swayed this time round, because I was worried. I was biased. I didn't want her to get hurt and i predetermined you to be one of those sharp edges. Frankly, I was more than happy when there's someone with her through her hardest times. And you did well, no doubt. I so thank you very much. She could still dwell in the old well of tears and never be saved. Yet you were around to savage the situation.
Nevertheless, it works like a double-edged sword. All I can say is I learnt a little something each time, even though it is your story, not mine. Every little step of life has it's lesson to teach. Something else always comes when it all seemed nice and perfect isn't it? Your presence only seconded one of the thoughts I buried deep within me. You were a perfect example.
Like any other of us, I'm going to step back now. She will still have us when she needs us. For now, she has to believe that I'm not the best adviser, nor the best time- slowing factor she needs. For though I am willing to be anything for her, for now, I will only agree to do it if I don't hurt any other friend.
Side note: For a moment, I realized I was a little too reliant on someone emotionally. I was frantically searching his contact on the msn list, only to no avail. He's like a drug to heal the soul, for the people around do get hurt too when someone attempts to kill another. A drug I yearned right now.
He's online. How strange.
Labels: relationship
new chapter begins
Thursday, January 17, 2008 ♥
The first week of school was
Hectic.
Frankly, I'm not copping with it that well.
And if you see me online,
you'll always receive the (autoreply) message
"Busy doing work. Not at computer right now"
There's 2 VIS presentations tomorrow and
I've completed none.
I've just started on one this morning though.
gosh.
I need to plan my time more wisely.
love
Thursday, January 10, 2008 ♥
I woke up with eyes and throat pain and swollen.
The blisters on my foot still hurts.
I sat the the edge of my bed
breathing in heavy air in total darkness
still feeling sore from yesterday.
But I'm loved.
It's a blessing to know I'm loved.
I refused to look at my sister in the morning.
cause my eyes easily damps these days.
I hum my favourite song quietly
and cuddled myself.
I sms-ed johnson and told him that he needn't accompany me.
I need to rush back to school,
it'll make no sense for him to travel that far.
He was sweet enough already, really.
and I know I'm loved.
I was searching frantically in the car park.
I kept clicking on the car remote control.
no reaction.
Walked around and around the car park for the longest time.
There was no sight of the gray vehicle
nor its unlocking sound.
I called sister to check for the car's location.
She says it's exactly where I am.
"Wait. I'll find you later after I finish my stuffs if you still cannot find"
She sounds frustrated.
I sat down beside a car and waited.
A lady asked if I was okay.
I nod and smiled, replying with a "thank you"
She was in her 50s, gray hair and her face was wrinkled
yet she was the most beautiful person on earth.
When sister came.
She apologized.
She forgot that she parked in another car park today.
I said nothing.
Sshe asked if I was ok and
tears start streaming down my cheeks.
"Not okay, I'm not okay"
I wasn't mad at her.
But my body just wasn't functioning well.
I just need someone to embrace me and
assures me that everything is okay.
Even if that person was uncertain too.
Then I remember some things vids said yesterday.
And I was looking through the good night messages he sent.
And I'm reminded again,
I'm loved.
And I remember the "cheer-ups" from ter and jiesheng.
And I remember the random talk with joe
And I remember the people I love.
So yeaps.
(: loves.
panda roars
Wednesday, January 09, 2008 ♥
For no reason, je came to ntu today
and pops in front of me with this thing
along with the flashing smile of his.
My heart skipped a little
you won't understand how it feels.
Much more than mere happiness.
He really made my day.
Note to dear parsley.
Be strong girl. I don't know what else I can say or do. I don't know how I can help. I just don't the like feeling of seeing you sad. (:
Labels: happy
Capricorn
Tuesday, January 08, 2008 ♥
I cooked dinner.
It was supposed to be MY dinner.
Because sister says she's gonna not eat dinner to lose weight.
So I didn;'t prepare hers.
But I happen to cook more.
I could have left it in the fridge for tomorrow.
But I was nice, I offered her.
I was out. jogging.
Tired. Hungry.
When I was back,
I realized she finished everything.
Every single bit.
Dinner was more than one-person's share.
And she didn't breathe a word.
Oh wrong. She did say something.
"You cannot blame me, how am I supposed to know I cannot finish everything."
She didn't offer to cook me something or buy me something.
She just sat in front of her computer screen like I'm vacuum
Absence physically and emotionally.
I have had enough of her dirtiness and unwillingness to clean the house
So I've always been doing it all these while.
I got sick of telling her to keep her things.
Now I just throw her things into her room.
I cleaned the whole house except for her room.
All this, I had enough.
And this happens.
She's always eating what I cook.
Sh hasn't initiated to cook for me even once.
I's always me me me.
It's not cheap to cook as I used all natural ingredients ok.
I bought healthier food products which are more expensive.
I am, quite broke already.
I need to study and work.
And she bloody hell has a stable job.
And she doesnt help but give me more problems.
Seriously, I have had enough staying with her.
I'm gonna go crazy sooner or later.
My sister is a Capricorn.
My ex is a Capricorn.
Someone is a Capricon.
I really have to start believing these analysis.
" Bad Match:
Try to avoid B-types of Cancers or Capricorns. This Cancer asks for constant attention and can be too temperamental for you. You will get sick and tired of these tantrums eventually feel that you want out of this relationship. B-type Capricorns sometimes become too selfish for you and they have the tendency to hurt your feelings verbally and emotionally. "
xx from http://www.astrology.com.au/compatibility/compatibility.asp
Aries + Capricorn
Fire + Earth = Lava
This really is a pretty tough romantic combination, Aries. The forecast is for an uphill battle! Some astrologers might even say that this is the most unpleasant match in the zodiac! Your ruling planets — Mars and Saturn — are diametrically opposed forces. You’re extroverted, whereas Capricorn is introverted and shy, even sullen at times.
Capricorn is sober, practical, realistic, slow and steady — and a wee bit too conservative for your liking, Aries. They need a carefully mapped out plan for everything in life. ( I don't really agree with this point. Because I'm more of a need-to-plan-everything-kinda-aries) You prefer the thrill of the unknown, and are always excited about where life’s river might take you. ( I do agree with this though. Sometimes I do something totally opposite from what I planned.) These are very different attitudes, you’d have to agree. If you find yourself attracted to a Capricorn, don’t expect them to drop everything, on an impulse, to do something with you. It just won’t happen. Your wild and impulsive moods will give them the heeby-jeebies.
An Aries–Capricorn combination will pull your reins tight, and pretty soon you will be feeling boxed in, like a caged bird with its wings clipped. You’ll be unable to exercise your freedom-loving muscles. From the other side of the picture, your lively and exuberant energy will make traditionalist Capricorn feel as though they’re being whipped into race pace, which they hate — they need everything in their life to move at a slower and more deliberate speed.
However, Capricorns secretly wish they could experience life the way you do, with boundless effervescent energy and optimism.
Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, is laid up in Aries. This means the stern and sober attitude of that earthy star sign is essentially at odds with you. Capricorn could well put out your fire.
Labels: angry, family, horroscope, sad, tired
那些日子
Sunday, January 06, 2008 ♥
The night is dark and the cold wind freezes to the bone even though the windows were shut. I was desperately switching channels, looking for something stupid on the tv. Something like spongebob squarepants or taiwanese variety shows. Something to clear the clutter off my mind. Before that was series of calls with various people over two different places I'm supposed to go to. Yet my limbs refused to move. I have a million and one things left undone, yet I'm desperately searching for something redundant to do. You understand how it feels?
Take Number 1: It isn't very fair to me, is it? But we all know one fact, there's no such thing as being fair. I don't understand how my heart works, how it controls my emotions. And I don't understand your definition of friendship, because it's just so different from mine. I've lost the desire to plan and do something nice for you. I've lost the motivation to sacrifice to please you. Perhaps I've learnt to be a little more selfish, to address my own issues before yours. You know it isn't used to be like that. You know I'll used to queue for a couple of hours just to get you something you briefly mentioned that you want. You know I'll try to cater to your preferences when it comes to a meeting time or place. You know I didn't mind spending more money for something you want on your birthday. Or maybe you don't. I didn't realize, I did recently that it has all changed. I became a little more shallow, or in your words, "more real, less-hypocritical". Somehow, I know we're working our way towards being surface-only-mates and the scary thing is I'm not exactly trying to stop it.
Take number 2: I'm so sorry I didn't make it there though I did have time to rush down. It's the fatigue, mood and just not in the right state of mind. But still, it's not the actual date yet rights? Haha, there's still time to celebrate. And I am truly guilty that I didn't go, perhaps it's because I didn't get to eat the fried rice you cooked? Muhahahas. (:
Happy Birthday to both! (:
Did a little test here : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
kannasai.
Test1:
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education :
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
- You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
- You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
- You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
- Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
- Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.
Labels: personality test
boobs
Friday, January 04, 2008 ♥
him:
the yy is the most scary 1....
change e most... not onli her complexion change lor... nw she apply the breast cream for 2 months liao... wah lao... yest when i saw her... she looks damn endowed. shucks...
/ / me:
go apply lo
o.o
him:
i hav chest not breast
my gf wan 2 try liao lor
haha.. coz she c too mani cases
den she gek tio
wahhha
// me:
so big for what
him:
no nid big la.... got cleavage wear clothes nice liao... dats wad my gf saes
coz onli ur bf n ger fwens will c it bare mar... if not for other ppl dey onli c u wif clothes on.... dats y no nid big...wear clothes got cleavage enuff liao... haha
// me:
lols. some clothes dun really look good
him:
i wan my gf to feel confident too la
// me:
like with broad shoulders
look kinda chunky
him:
she will feel good too
n i will b proud too when my gf looks good
me:
// she feels confident becuse she has cleavage?
orhhh okayss
hahhaa
him:
though she looks good nw liao.. but wif a better figure...i tink more guys will turn their head
// me:
lols
then you;'re in danger
him:
no la.... as in when u hav a better figure... u will naturally feel more confident
Yes, though i agree confidence might increase a little when you start to have cleavage or whaat ever sort. And yes maybe it's nicer when you wear low-cut tops. While I would love to have a bigger breast, i just feel that it's kinda unhealthy to depend your confidence on your.... cleavage? Like hello. Girls sounds like bitches over here. Like hmmm. will die without breast. hmmm. And honestly, not all girls looks good with huge breasts. But ALL men love big boobs, i understand.
And I feel a little uneasy when I talk to him these days. He kept repeating the same phrase. "If you.... blah blah blah... you'll feel more confident." Baa like trying to cultivate me to depend on my looks for confidence. For one, i think it's just so not right. For two, I think I have a certain level of confidence in myself. Looks and capability.
Labels: confidence, girls