也许不是爱着你
只是太习惯了依靠。

Labels: love, relationship

谁都不想当后备轮胎。
知道自己的存在是暂时取代他人时，
心是闷的，是柠檬酸酸的刺痛。

说穿了，
我们都有后备轮胎
我们可能都是你心中别人的后备轮胎。
因为人是寂寞的
是自私的。
失去一个人，另一个人的陪伴
能疗伤，能遗忘。

一个，两个。
不晓得。
想到这里，就不再那么气你了。

Labels: emotional, friends, life, relationship

You see this coming.
it has happened a lot of times.
But you still fell for it.
I fell for it willingly.

It's a parcel. It's not transparent.
You can't see what's inside.
A fragile glass box.
You're delighted at that very instant when you opened the box.
it's not anything fantastic inside
But you're genuinely happy.
You excitedly hugged the parcel and jumped around.
Then at this very moment
You realised everyone else around you received the same parcel,
from the same person.
This moment, how do you feel?
If you ask me, I feel stupid.
Because it wasn't material happiness
It was...

Just because I know how it feels.
So crudely, I used it on you,
even when there is nothing for the other person
I do it, knowing that you'll feel how I feel.

Labels: emotional, friends, personality test, relationship

曾经很爱很爱你
再见面时，
心还是会小路乱撞。
可是是错的
一切根本不应该发生。
要离我远一点，
知道吗？
you don't know how bad it has been.

Labels: relationship

There's a sense of guilt lurking.
The whole situation's morphed now, now it's all clear, it's my bad.

That's it. I'm gonna step away from this, for true enough, I'm no where near being someone who is in position to speak. Neither am I fit to be giving fair judgements to you, especially after the first few meetings. This is clearly not the 'me' I know of. I'm swayed this time round, because I was worried. I was biased. I didn't want her to get hurt and i predetermined you to be one of those sharp edges. Frankly, I was more than happy when there's someone with her through her hardest times. And you did well, no doubt. I so thank you very much. She could still dwell in the old well of tears and never be saved. Yet you were around to savage the situation.

Nevertheless, it works like a double-edged sword. All I can say is I learnt a little something each time, even though it is your story, not mine. Every little step of life has it's lesson to teach. Something else always comes when it all seemed nice and perfect isn't it? Your presence only seconded one of the thoughts I buried deep within me. You were a perfect example.

Like any other of us, I'm going to step back now. She will still have us when she needs us. For now, she has to believe that I'm not the best adviser, nor the best time- slowing factor she needs. For though I am willing to be anything for her, for now, I will only agree to do it if I don't hurt any other friend.

Side note: For a moment, I realized I was a little too reliant on someone emotionally. I was frantically searching his contact on the msn list, only to no avail. He's like a drug to heal the soul, for the people around do get hurt too when someone attempts to kill another. A drug I yearned right now.

He's online. How strange.

Labels: relationship

Oh no. I realise I really prefer matured old man. LOLS. Maybe not old, I like men with clear visions in mind of what they want and know they're in control. Like I freaking cannot stand guys who whines and me and tell me how low confidence they are. I mean, they can be uncertain of course. but list out to me the choices and maybe I can help in any way possible. Tell me what you've done and what you're unsure of doing. Not whine and whine and doesn't even know what options he have. And especially after I encouraged them, they keep bugging me with "I cannot do it I cannot do it". Oh maybe they're just like you know humble. But sometimes I do that you know, like says stuff like "die die die, fail fail fail". But I don't go ON AND ON about how dead I am. I grumble a little and I stop. I might be worried but I dont keep repeating the same words to anyone. ANd especially If you expressed no interest in listening to me, I freaking hell stop. Man, some people really dont get body language. Arghs, cannot stand them.

I mean seriously, get a dream. Advance towards it. Have fun on the way of course. But at least know what you want? Okay maybe I'm being too harsh here. According to jon, some people just wanna whine and have someone too listen to and talk crap when they have totally clear ideas behind the back of their minds on what to do next. They just need to let it out a bit sometimes. ok. Arguement valid. But it's only valid when you dont do it so often.

Actually I can tolerate some people. Hmm... Depending on who it is. I realise I can tolerate some people. But Oh man, I can't really tolerate some childish guys. I mean, I AM childish enough. So i'm like the benchmark, anyone goes below will be categorized under oh-my-god-i-cant-stand-you. But then again, I realise I'm pretty matured when I'm with some peeps and get really crazy and kiddy when I'm with others. Perfectly normal, so maybe this doesn't apply to everyone. But freaking. I admit I am attracted to office man more than a beach boy (but an office boy who beaches sounds good). And boy I realise have a lot of kiddy guy friends around me. HAHA but I do enjoy their company, like a little baby brother you know? But sometimes I get really irritated when I need to encourage and pacify him. And I suddenly have to become more matured to cater to them. Oh this reminds me of my kiddy elder sister who makes me feel much older. o.o Oh wells, this is getting out of topic. The main point is, it irritates me . And suddenly I realise I've grown out of the using baby names and sometimes people who use them irritates me.

And oh I'm learning to stop listening that much and start scolding these people who're wasting their lives moaning. I'm learning to speak my mind. And if you hurt me, I'll freaking kick your butt and tell you in your face that you suck. I wont go home and cry anymore. If I need to cry, I'll freaking cry right there at that moment. Somehow I realize I lack friends whom i can talk about my deep emotions with or maybe the way we looked at life. More in-depth conversations on people and life. Like I can only name a few right now. Some, just don't listen. Some, just scares me.

Oh rights, anyways, just need to vent my anger a bit and produced an entry of random and totally incoherent thoughts.
2 more papers to go next week. I need to bury myself in books.

Labels: guy, relationship

I realized a matter-of-fact.
That i'm actually obsessed with neat freaks.
Like other girls are attracted to rich or cooking guys,
I'm attracted to neat and clean guys.
Not in dressing wise,
(Of course he can't have spinach stuck in his teeth whole day and wear the same pair of jeans for a week)
But household wise.
Almost all guys who have organized rooms get an extra 50points on their score sheet.

random: I'm totally obsessed with the colours of voguegirl photoshoot and I'm gonna make myself a lunch bag after exams.

Labels: guy, life, relationship

You're doing very fine. Helping out with your dad in his business and flying to London and China so frequently you're hardly ever in Singapore. Every time we talked, you're overseas and you're going to Reading to study in a couple of years time. You're doing fine. And I'm happy for you that you're doing good. But it brothered me that you're talking to me in this business-y way. Like you're trying to show me that I've made a wrong choice then. Testing me on technical info to make me feel stupid. Just plain stupid. And telling me in the face that I'm just "lack of knowledge". I'm not really offended by the way I'm seen being stupid but rather, the way you're talking to me right now.

Labels: relationship