You see this coming.
it has happened a lot of times.
But you still fell for it.
I fell for it willingly.

It's a parcel. It's not transparent.
You can't see what's inside.
A fragile glass box.
You're delighted at that very instant when you opened the box.
it's not anything fantastic inside
But you're genuinely happy.
You excitedly hugged the parcel and jumped around.
Then at this very moment
You realised everyone else around you received the same parcel,
from the same person.
This moment, how do you feel?
If you ask me, I feel stupid.
Because it wasn't material happiness
It was...

Just because I know how it feels.
So crudely, I used it on you,
even when there is nothing for the other person
I do it, knowing that you'll feel how I feel.

Labels: emotional, friends, personality test, relationship

I don't know why I complicate things.
My brain's a little slow.
I need time to process some thinkings.
It isn't a big deal isn't it?
Yes it isn't. But I was paranoid.
You understood rights?

Maybe I do have a box which I've been hiding.
Transparent glass or opaque; I'm not too sure.
But as I always say, I'm a big girl. Don't worry.
And I've been thankful that you're around, really.

p.s. The last line of Feb 11's entry was referring to you.

Labels: emotional, friends

there's a sting min my eyes.
The unwillingness to open up.
not to people I've know long ago.
Not wanting to be seemed as a problematic kid.
Cry alone.
hid away from the rest of the world.
And it seemed like a mockery that i'm voted one of the happiest people.
I know how that feels.
He's right.
It has got to end.
I cannot hold on to it for the rest of the life or twenty, thirty years down the road, it'll be the same.
I need to get out to see something new. Rights?
If not I can't do anything else.

Labels: emotional

I looked at her 2 ponytails,
the red bruise on her knee
then into her eyes.

She looked back,
with the slightest sign of confusion

I touched my hair swiftly and arranged my fringe,
still keeping the eye contact.
Surprisingly, she mirrored my actions,
Briefly touching her forehead because her fringe is tied tightly into the ponytails.

In her eyes,
I found comfort.
But I looked away.
When I was back,
She's still there,
but now, she's more certain then before.

I found comfort in her eyes, but I looked away.
Why did I look away?
Children has the most magnificent power of love
and they can look into your eyes for longest time.
And as we grow older,
we became more and more afraid of eye contacts.
Perhaps we lost some confidence.
Perhaps we became cynical about life.

Researches show that eye contact builds affection.
I'm not sure if it proves anything,
but at the end of the 30 minutes train ride,
I wanted to embrace her in my arms and kiss her bruised knee.

Labels: happy, life

想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
傻瓜
想太多
想太多
想太多
想太多
生命中多一点点的温暖

Labels: emotional

People I'm grateful for
Parents
Dad for doting on me and Mommy for teaching me a lot of things.
I always say that I don't miss you guys but I often cry when I receive your emails.
I always grumble how anyone can leave their children in another country but I'm grateful I could take care of myself . And I don't realize until other friends boast on stuffs like they can change a light bulb. And sometimes I do think that it is unfair for me that I have to work while studying, but I realize later that I didn't want when you volunteered to send money back. And I can truly say that I'm living off my own hands now. It's not something all parents so, but it's something I'm happy you did. I'm not a spoilt brat. *winks*

Sister
I don't say it but I do treasure you ok. LOLS. And one main reason why I don't wanna stay in hall is because of you. haha Okay okay I do nag at you a lot (you think I like to nag at you?) but I think you deserved to be nagged. :x But Anyhoos, I can't imagine life without you.

David
My erac ekat. One who's always doing a lot of stuffs to make me smile. One whom I can give up anything just to ensure he's doing okay. The only friend who's generous in saying "I love you" which I myself sometimes wish I have more courage to do so.

Jonathan
The person who wouldn't mind telling me straight in the face that he is a friend who will be there for me because I am worthy. One who doesn't ask for anything but will give everything. One who always say the right things when I most needed. I told him he has magical powers haha. One who always told me I deserve a good man and one who I've promised that he'll be the first to know when I'm attached. And one that makes me realize how fortunate I have been. And I like everything about him. Even when he suans me and nag at me. Feels like my dad la even he's only one year older. But still, I feel loved.

Wenwen
The first person that knows my secret. :) Don't know how, but we did get close on the first time we met (usually not in most of the case) and now it's coming to a 7 year friendship, still close and strong. I've always been jealous of her family - it's like the standard happy family in the dictionaries. (: lols But now I feel loved when she talks about them.

Hester
The person that helped me through my crappy JC life. I remember I didn't like her in the beginning :x HAHA. I'm sure she remembers too. But now she's one crazy friend whom I can do anything and everything with. And one friend who you'll never see me sad or quiet when I'm with her. I always have a lot to tell her and she always have her ways to make me laugh till my jaws hurt. :D

Jimmy
My best online budd. *huge grins*. I've only seen him once in person but he know so much about my life, maybe even more than someone I meet everyday. He might not know the large part of it, but he knows stuffs which very little people know. And monkey monkey thank piggy piggy for being there. For poking me every now and then and disturbing me. For offering to meet me up late at night when I'm not emotionally-okay. (:

Joe
The only person apart from wenshing who can always understand my art. It's funny but sometimes I do think he's a heart and brain that are built in-sync with mine. He understood my feelings and reasons behind every choice, no matter if it's emo or happy. And when we always talk, it's about life in large and in-dept feelings about love and beauty which I can never talk to anyone else. He's like a source of wealth that truly touches my heart. And I love his films too. I love his works. And I love long late night conversations with him that always sets me thinking.

Wenshing
My favourite lecturer. My favourite even when everyone is talking bad about her behind her back. But she gave me courage. She let me know that whatever I was thinking is important even though no one cares about it. It is crucial in the journey not the end-point. It is crucial that I understood myself. It is crucial and I needn't hide behind the shield. Because everyone is the same, they have their strength and weaknesses. But I didn't get a chance to say bye before she left the school. Something I kinda blame myself for now.

Teresa
Girl girl. Don't know how we got close. LOL. Don't remember talking to her at all when we're at OH committee but somehow we clicked really well after that. She's so cute la I can't resist. :x LOLS. And i thank her so much that she called me more than once after knowing something is not right with me. It meant so much though I didn't pick up. I wasn't in the appropriate situation to talk and I didn't know what to say to her. **hugs**

Labels: family, friends, happy, love

I'm out out that idiotic circle! Woots!
And I have a vision for tomorrow. *winks*
Sounds so 'national day'.



New Policies
1) Optimize time.
2) Always wear a watch, sleep at 11pm, exercise
3) Do the best is everything you do. If you don't want to, don't even start it.

Labels: enthusiastic, future, happy, hope