也许不是爱着你
只是太习惯了依靠。

Labels: love, relationship

How do you look when you look into the mirror?
What's your face expression?
Were you smiling...
in your lips, your velvet skin or your eyes?
I wonder if you can hear me
But my eyes are stuck along your neckline,
still and rigid broad shoulders.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You better let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late....

Labels: emotional, life, love

People I'm grateful for
Parents
Dad for doting on me and Mommy for teaching me a lot of things.
I always say that I don't miss you guys but I often cry when I receive your emails.
I always grumble how anyone can leave their children in another country but I'm grateful I could take care of myself . And I don't realize until other friends boast on stuffs like they can change a light bulb. And sometimes I do think that it is unfair for me that I have to work while studying, but I realize later that I didn't want when you volunteered to send money back. And I can truly say that I'm living off my own hands now. It's not something all parents so, but it's something I'm happy you did. I'm not a spoilt brat. *winks*

Sister
I don't say it but I do treasure you ok. LOLS. And one main reason why I don't wanna stay in hall is because of you. haha Okay okay I do nag at you a lot (you think I like to nag at you?) but I think you deserved to be nagged. :x But Anyhoos, I can't imagine life without you.

David
My erac ekat. One who's always doing a lot of stuffs to make me smile. One whom I can give up anything just to ensure he's doing okay. The only friend who's generous in saying "I love you" which I myself sometimes wish I have more courage to do so.

Jonathan
The person who wouldn't mind telling me straight in the face that he is a friend who will be there for me because I am worthy. One who doesn't ask for anything but will give everything. One who always say the right things when I most needed. I told him he has magical powers haha. One who always told me I deserve a good man and one who I've promised that he'll be the first to know when I'm attached. And one that makes me realize how fortunate I have been. And I like everything about him. Even when he suans me and nag at me. Feels like my dad la even he's only one year older. But still, I feel loved.

Wenwen
The first person that knows my secret. :) Don't know how, but we did get close on the first time we met (usually not in most of the case) and now it's coming to a 7 year friendship, still close and strong. I've always been jealous of her family - it's like the standard happy family in the dictionaries. (: lols But now I feel loved when she talks about them.

Hester
The person that helped me through my crappy JC life. I remember I didn't like her in the beginning :x HAHA. I'm sure she remembers too. But now she's one crazy friend whom I can do anything and everything with. And one friend who you'll never see me sad or quiet when I'm with her. I always have a lot to tell her and she always have her ways to make me laugh till my jaws hurt. :D

Jimmy
My best online budd. *huge grins*. I've only seen him once in person but he know so much about my life, maybe even more than someone I meet everyday. He might not know the large part of it, but he knows stuffs which very little people know. And monkey monkey thank piggy piggy for being there. For poking me every now and then and disturbing me. For offering to meet me up late at night when I'm not emotionally-okay. (:

Joe
The only person apart from wenshing who can always understand my art. It's funny but sometimes I do think he's a heart and brain that are built in-sync with mine. He understood my feelings and reasons behind every choice, no matter if it's emo or happy. And when we always talk, it's about life in large and in-dept feelings about love and beauty which I can never talk to anyone else. He's like a source of wealth that truly touches my heart. And I love his films too. I love his works. And I love long late night conversations with him that always sets me thinking.

Wenshing
My favourite lecturer. My favourite even when everyone is talking bad about her behind her back. But she gave me courage. She let me know that whatever I was thinking is important even though no one cares about it. It is crucial in the journey not the end-point. It is crucial that I understood myself. It is crucial and I needn't hide behind the shield. Because everyone is the same, they have their strength and weaknesses. But I didn't get a chance to say bye before she left the school. Something I kinda blame myself for now.

Teresa
Girl girl. Don't know how we got close. LOL. Don't remember talking to her at all when we're at OH committee but somehow we clicked really well after that. She's so cute la I can't resist. :x LOLS. And i thank her so much that she called me more than once after knowing something is not right with me. It meant so much though I didn't pick up. I wasn't in the appropriate situation to talk and I didn't know what to say to her. **hugs**

Labels: family, friends, happy, love

I woke up with eyes and throat pain and swollen.
The blisters on my foot still hurts.
I sat the the edge of my bed
breathing in heavy air in total darkness
still feeling sore from yesterday.
But I'm loved.
It's a blessing to know I'm loved.

I refused to look at my sister in the morning.
cause my eyes easily damps these days.
I hum my favourite song quietly
and cuddled myself.
I sms-ed johnson and told him that he needn't accompany me.
I need to rush back to school,
it'll make no sense for him to travel that far.
He was sweet enough already, really.
and I know I'm loved.

I was searching frantically in the car park.
I kept clicking on the car remote control.
no reaction.
Walked around and around the car park for the longest time.
There was no sight of the gray vehicle
nor its unlocking sound.
I called sister to check for the car's location.
She says it's exactly where I am.
"Wait. I'll find you later after I finish my stuffs if you still cannot find"
She sounds frustrated.
I sat down beside a car and waited.
A lady asked if I was okay.
I nod and smiled, replying with a "thank you"
She was in her 50s, gray hair and her face was wrinkled
yet she was the most beautiful person on earth.

When sister came.
She apologized.
She forgot that she parked in another car park today.
I said nothing.
Sshe asked if I was ok and
tears start streaming down my cheeks.
"Not okay, I'm not okay"

I wasn't mad at her.
But my body just wasn't functioning well.
I just need someone to embrace me and
assures me that everything is okay.
Even if that person was uncertain too.

Then I remember some things vids said yesterday.
And I was looking through the good night messages he sent.
And I'm reminded again,
I'm loved.
And I remember the "cheer-ups" from ter and jiesheng.
And I remember the random talk with joe
And I remember the people I love.
So yeaps.
(: loves.

Labels: emotional, family, happy, love, sad

幸福。我很幸福。
不要再想要求设么了
要敞开心房
朋友关心对方
朋友帮助对方
是平常。是温暖。
要学着让爱你的人暖暖冰冷的心

Labels: happy, life, love

I was talking to a friend today and he told me about this girl that he's rather close with recently. He has so much to talk about between them and I swear I feel an aura of happiness when he was talking about her, like how the nimbus around the heads of Buddhas in paintings looked like. It's really strange cause I could feel that sweetness too even though I haven't met her. I feel the blissful moments too as he brought me through them verbally. I have to admit I was laughing throughout the whole conversation, not at anything about them but at the little uncontrolled-sweet-smiles he had when he described his special someone and when he unconsciously defended for her. And I miss talks like this with friends telling me how blessed they are. I have no idea but it's got this strange ability to make me believe that love truly does exist in this world.

Labels: happy, love

What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
	You would fall for the gentleman. Keep an eye out for your love at your next formal or field trip to the opera. Watch out for bad boys who walk on the inside of the curb and don't hold the door for you, and you'll end up with the guy who's suave, sophisticated, and classy through-and-through.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Labels: gentleman, guy, love, prediction

I'm doomed for 3d production. It's only the 6th week and I'm completely lost. Like a poor little sheep in the deep forest. Shit. Shit. He's there mumbling mumbling in front of his desktop and I'm frantically finding the buttons he clicked 5 minutes ago. I'm dead. Mid term assignment due's round the corner. I'm dead.

So, yes, i got a little distracted and did this little prediction with my birthday...


Your Birthdate: March 26

You love being in love... so much so that it's very hard for you to be single. Unfortunately, it's difficult for you to stay in love over time. Too many people intrigue you! Only your true love will be able to keep you interested over time. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 4 You are most compatible with people born on the 8th, 17th, and 26th of the month.

Labels: 3d, love, prediction