那些日子
Sunday, January 06, 2008 ♥
The night is dark and the cold wind freezes to the bone even though the windows were shut. I was desperately switching channels, looking for something stupid on the tv. Something like spongebob squarepants or taiwanese variety shows. Something to clear the clutter off my mind. Before that was series of calls with various people over two different places I'm supposed to go to. Yet my limbs refused to move. I have a million and one things left undone, yet I'm desperately searching for something redundant to do. You understand how it feels?
Take Number 1: It isn't very fair to me, is it? But we all know one fact, there's no such thing as being fair. I don't understand how my heart works, how it controls my emotions. And I don't understand your definition of friendship, because it's just so different from mine. I've lost the desire to plan and do something nice for you. I've lost the motivation to sacrifice to please you. Perhaps I've learnt to be a little more selfish, to address my own issues before yours. You know it isn't used to be like that. You know I'll used to queue for a couple of hours just to get you something you briefly mentioned that you want. You know I'll try to cater to your preferences when it comes to a meeting time or place. You know I didn't mind spending more money for something you want on your birthday. Or maybe you don't. I didn't realize, I did recently that it has all changed. I became a little more shallow, or in your words, "more real, less-hypocritical". Somehow, I know we're working our way towards being surface-only-mates and the scary thing is I'm not exactly trying to stop it.
Take number 2: I'm so sorry I didn't make it there though I did have time to rush down. It's the fatigue, mood and just not in the right state of mind. But still, it's not the actual date yet rights? Haha, there's still time to celebrate. And I am truly guilty that I didn't go, perhaps it's because I didn't get to eat the fried rice you cooked? Muhahahas. (:
Happy Birthday to both! (: